Monday, November 04, 2013

sixteen | practising simplicity

Living a less-distracted life: look them in the eye when you're talking to them.

I've been getting back to parenting basics for the past few weeks; evaluating my language as I step into yet another phase. 

I have a terrible habit of thinking I'm much busier than I am. It's not a great mindset to have, mainly because it's unrealistic and anxiety-inducing. It also prompts the all-too-common outburst of "I am so busy" which can really grate on those around me. When I am consumed by said busyness I rush from one task to the next with wild abandon and I have very little time or patience for the little people who follow in my footsteps. Why am I surprised that their behaviour mirrors mine? - zero patience and cranky outbursts become the norm.

In the thick of difficulty it's almost impossible to see a way out and yet, when I stop and consider what is happening I know that the answer is actually very simple.

Instead of talking, demanding or making suggestions as I go I have been crouching to their level, looking in their eyes and using simple language to explain and discuss. Sometimes I hold them, too, and I feel all their confusion and frustration dissipate. We are chatting about very simple, everyday matters; school to-dos, computer time, lunch requests and yet they can become so complicated if we're not on the same (literal) level. 

So: stop, look in their eyes, talk to them (there's less arguments if you do).

posted by: Jodi

16 COMMENTS

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  1. Jesi Passepartout November 4, 2013 at 5:51 PM

    So very true Jodi! We have to remember to speak to children like the humans that they are and make them feel like we appreciate and wish to understand and connect with them. Sometimes it is so easy for us to pass by what seems small, but what is really the biggest thing in our lives.

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  2. RoseannNovember 4, 2013 at 5:52 PM

    Beautiful photo and on point advice. I think a lot of us struggle with this in the digital age. Though I don't have kids of my own I work as a nanny, and I feel like I need to keep your words in a safe place so that I can revisit them with my own children in the future. Or I should practice them on other people's children so that they become learned behavior. Thank you.

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  3. dear oliveNovember 4, 2013 at 7:24 PM

    I have really been trying to do this with Olive, lately. My tank is so empty when I get home that it's so easy for me to slip into snappy/crabby habits ... but in reality, cause so many more problems than if I just breathe and muster a little bit of energy to give her the time and respect she deserves. It makes me feel so much better about myself, too. Kellie xx

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  4. Caroline MaiaNovember 4, 2013 at 7:26 PM

    I love the pic, and I love the way you think.
    How old are they? They are truly the reflex of the people who surrounds them.
    I myself have these moments of stress, and see my child doing the same.
    Thank you for the nice post :)
    Carol

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  5. UnknownNovember 4, 2013 at 8:59 PM

    Oh jodi,thank you! I have had a hellish half term. My parenting skills went out of the window. Shouting, tears and that was me! Ru has reached a peak of testosterone. Rages wild. I need to go back to basics. Its one long circle of learning. X

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  6. UnknownNovember 4, 2013 at 9:16 PM

    Thank you for this reminder. As hard as it sometimes is, it really is as simple as that. x

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  7. emilyNovember 4, 2013 at 10:26 PM

    I feel like I wrote this (only it wouldn't have sounded that good if I actually had!) I have had the exact same realisation/made the same concentrated efforts of late. I'm loving the difference it makes too - serenity and smiles all round... magic!! (I might get it tattooed on my toes for when i forget)

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  8. My Yellow HeartNovember 5, 2013 at 12:30 AM

    It's so true. My daughter was asked today, who was her best friend. She replied Mum.
    A reminder, just how much I mean to her and how important it is to treat her with respect in all ways. Not simply as a child. Thanks for a lovely post.

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  9. BriseidyNovember 5, 2013 at 2:31 AM

    so true! thanks for the reminder :)

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  10. AnonymousNovember 5, 2013 at 4:33 AM

    This is one of my favorite series (..series'..series's?). In the hype of productivity becoming replaced by 'busyness' I think it would do us all well to slow down and reassess what really matters to us.

    Sharna
    perfectlycloudy.etsy.com

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  11. UnknownNovember 5, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    Wise words as always

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  12. CamilleNovember 5, 2013 at 12:56 PM

    Randomly stumbled upon your blog and I'm glad I did! I don't have children of my own, but I think you advice can be applied to multiple settings. Lovely blog, looking forward to reading!

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  13. Steph @ this brown wrenNovember 5, 2013 at 4:07 PM

    Even after ten years of teaching preps and year one children and doing this everyday I often still forget to do this with my own littles. It really has such an impact on our interactions doesn't it?! Hope your week is a lovely one :) x

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  14. jayNovember 5, 2013 at 4:30 PM

    Ha, I have been going through the same process, awareness through busyness takes away the pressure and strangely enough the busyness and then stopping and looking in their eyes works wonders. Thanks for the beautiful words surrounding such actions, i do think i need them on the fridge to remind me (yes, my fridge is getting quite full!). xx

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  15. Nikki FisherNovember 5, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    I think we can all relate to this Jodi, taking time to connect slows us all down, my wise sis-in-law mother of 4 calls it 'taking an out breath'. Getting down on their level works well for photography too! x

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